Myriad of inspirational blogs, success mantras and motivational videos have shoved this notion down our throat that happiness is meant to be our final destination.
I often tried to clutch whatever chunk of happiness I found with both my hands, digging my own nails in my palms in the process.
I believed that any feeling which was less than ‘happiness’ meant something was wrong with me, causing me to shut down and let the sadness fester inside me like a disease.
They say happiness is a state of being. But my inability to sustain that state made me feel like a failure.
Happiness is beautiful, but like pain, it never lasts. And the desire to achieve something as evanescent as happiness is the harbinger of more pain.
Half of my pain is caused by the circumstances, and the other half is caused by my inability to chase happiness.
Slowly, I have surrendered. I have acknowledged that happiness will come and go—like a guest. Life is not constant, and neither are we. There is no human experience we can hold on to.
Instead of chasing happiness, I am learning to be okay with not being okay. This acceptance doesn’t make me any less of a human.
We feel pain. We feel angry. We feel lost.
And it’s okay. It doesn’t mean that we should settle with our current state. We can still take active measure to improve our life. But once we stop doing these things as a way to achieve happiness, we bring our awareness in the present moment—at the actions, not the outcome.
Accepting sadness and other emotions has given me the strength to face these feelings, fully aware that these feelings don’t define me. Just like happiness doesn’t.
I am lost, but it’s okay. It’s just a temporary feeling.
I am sad, but it’s okay. It’s just a temporary feeling.
I am happy. Although it’s good, but again, it’s just a temporary feeling.
And this brings me to the realisation: Maybe happiness is not our state of being.
All these feelings are temporary. They come and go like waves. We just gotta keep rowing our boat and not be drowned in any of these feelings—no matter how high or low these waves take us.